How do you judge a judge because being a judge is not easy. Slam Sh*t

"This isn't your friendly neighborhood blog. I'm an Aries, and I talk shit."

Besides getting the A-Slot in finals or needing a perfect 30 in the final round to win big money the hardest thing to do in a poetry slam is to be a judge

Some poets assume that five random people walk into slams and ask “May I please judge this grand slam finals so people can mean mug me, boo & sometimes talk reckless to me”.

That a happy couple would say  “Hey, I want to judge your slam so I can have a chance of my girlfriend not talking to me after or not give me booty because the poet she secretly lusts got an 8.3 from me which is 'phucked' up because I paid for cheese on her hamburger ”

No that's not how it works.....

....most judges are just casual fans of the art that just want to hear poetry and be a part of the show. Others didn’t even know there was a show going on and they have some person run up on them asking them quick ass questions checking off their mental slammaster’s checklist like “Are you a poet? Do you know any poets tonight? Are you f****ing any poets tonight? Can you stay here for 3 hours? Can you do me a favor? I’ll buy you 5 beers if you stay?” This is what we slammasters call falling for “The banana in the tailpipe” technique. <---- Yo at that picture.

Oh, man I feel for judges in poetry slam competitions. The bigger the prize or title the more hell they catch from the audience . I’ve heard stories of poets walking up on judges after bouts as they were about to get in their cars just to ask “Why did you give me a 8.1?”, I’ve never heard of any fights happening because…..I mean let’s be honest 98% of the poets don’t want it & probably can’t fight that’s why they’re into poetry. I mean really beside for the late great Tupac  how many “Thug poets” do you know? Shout out to Dre & Snoop doing their thing at Coachella.

Now I know there’s a saying we hosts like to say at slams “Audience sway the judges…” but one thing that I don’t really care for is for the “Audience barking, bitching or belittling the judges”.

Which brings us up to last Sunday’s slam. A very talented artist and lovely person named Jazz Monique kept it ‘Trill’ at the slam. She along with a few others weren’t feeling some of the scores given by the judges so much that at one point the DJ was TOLD to turn down the music so she could “boo that bullshit score”.  Yes ladies & gentlemen sometimes the “G” in “GS” stands for “Gully”.

Now, first off that caught me off guard. But after sitting back & thinking about it right now, I have to not only expect that to happen to also take some responsibility for it because before eeeeeeevry slam anyone that knows me what do I tell the audience?

That we need to get “Ethnic”,  “Red Kool Aid, plastic on the couch” not “Piedmont, Mt Clair” but “East Oakland” so Jazz did what she needed to do basically got the green light from me to do it. I mean let’s keep it 100%, she didn’t call the judge a ‘mowrk ass lame’. She didn’t say “If I catch you outside I put this on my breh-bruh that you’re going night night”. When she boo’ed the score she wasn’t breathing heaving & point to the clock with one hand & her eye with a balled up fist.

She just said her piece and let the judges knew where she stood so why did I have a problem with it?  

I had a problem because the behavior was building for a while (Not just Sunday’s slam since the last semifinals) and I didn’t want it to spill over or to set a tone for anything to get out of pocket.

I don’t want anyone to think that the next time a score happens and they don’t like it they can tell the DJ to turn down the music & say “B**** you tripping!” Now of course Jazz wouldn’t do that, but I wouldn’t put it past anyone else especially some of the people that we get up in the GS every blue moon or have you forgot about the night Chas play cousin came up in the house with his "Wild Irish Rose" rant?

Since day 1 my intent was to make the Golden State Slam & Open mic like no other slam around. I wantfeatures to feel comfortable & up and coming poets to feel comfortable I also wanted the audience members to feel comfortable including judges.

And speaking of “judges” the judges WE get aren’t your typical judges. So when you boo someone or get in them just because they gave your favorite poet an “7.7” don’t be quick to assume they don’t know what the f*** they are doing because most likely it’s not the judge’s fault it’s the………HOST’S fault  your favorite poet a “7.7”.

Yep, blame me. Because every judge knows I grill the s*** out of them. I tell each and every one of them “You better NOT throw up a 10 unless they deserve it and I’m not kidding.”

I ask them “What is your favorite spoken word poem?”

 Last slam one judge mentioned “Conjuring Cassius Clay” by Bamuthi , Another mentioned a poem by Nikki Giovonni  “She Conjured by Taalam” , Gwendolyn Brooks  “Brothers” by Chas , some judges didn’t know the poet’s names while others that couldn’t think that fast because I put them on the spot so I asked them their favorite song and we went from there. After they answered I’d say “So remember that feeling that you got when you heard that poem, that song. The performance they gave. If THAT is what you think a 10 is, then better hear something as good as or BETTER than that or I ‘Bess’ not see a 10 come from you”.

Yes, the sacrificial poet is the test poet but as most people know sometimes the Sacrificial poet be on some bullshit too, drunk, wanting to try some new s*** that’s not ready or appropriate for the evening so some host put up some safeguards.

So let’s go to Toaster doing his “MLK Poem” which honestly to me is one of the better poems I’ve heard in a while & to me the best poem of the night. I’ve heard that poem before off paper 2 months before. In MY personal opinion was it a “10”? Nope. It wasn’t an “8.3” either but it’s not my call.  

My point is don’t expect a judge to give a 9.8 to a 10 just because YOU think it’s that. If they gave it a 8.3 maybe it’s not THEM who needs to pay more attention to the poets maybe it’s YOU that needs to hear more inspiring poetry and don’t be so quick to give a 10 because honestly not every poem is a 10.

I honestly wouldn’t have given a “10” the entire night and there was some very good poetry. But that doesn’t mean it was “Perfect”. I don’t score off of “That’s the best poem of the night so I’m going to give it a 10” and I don’t want my judges to do that either.

 So next time you’re quick to boo a judge off of what you think was a “bullshit score” maybe you need to think about what they’ve witnessed.

If their barometer is “Conjuring Cassius Clay” or “Skinhead” by Patricia Smith  and they give am 8.3 to your favorite poem whose is more accurate? Have you even heard the poems that I just mentioned?

Now of course some judges are just plain dicks with personal issues that need to be worked out & not during a slam but that statement can also go along with slam poets and people that boo slam scores.

Just something to think about.  

I am open for any open dialogue on this matter. I also would like to say that this was NOT a personal attack on Jazz Monique who I truly believe is a beautiful, young artist that is so active in the community which I have nothing but respect for her or an attack on Youth Speaks, even though I do stand by what I said last Sunday which was booing 9.7’s & 9.8’s seem lame & it gives some young poets bloated heads so when they go out into adults slams and get a “8.5” they get a “Fuck slam” attitude.